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I'm so glad I don't have to use this anymore...
Finaly, something good to look forward to... And best of all: it's not what was possible, it's what I wanted.
I'll keep you my dirty little secret. I won't keep you just because I want to. I'll keep you because I have to. Why can't I just be normal? Today this middle-aged horny guy hit on me in the middle of the locker room, just because I can't control the damn thing down there. The worst part was "Come on, you like it!", while he looked at my dick (as he had been doing so intently). I don't know, one day I might just let things happen, but it was so unnerving. Before anything else, I'd like to lose my virginity with a girl I love, but if I go on and on about that, it'll just be the same story over again. After that, who knows. I might go crazy, completely crazy, but I feel so restricted now. And this fucking society is the biggest blame. If homosexualism were accepted, guys like that wouldn't have to pay attention to anyone who might be interested in other guys in locker rooms. Maybe one day I'll take on such an adventure, but my greatest fear is of other people's judgement. Because they will judge, and it won't be nice.
Ooooh God... Here I am again, with no clue about what to do. I don't know if I should go on and start a relationship. She seems to be very interested, but I don't know how far I'm actually willing to go... She's really nice, but it's hard to picture the two of us together. I don't really know if there's the right chemistry between us, even though she seems to think there is. I probably shouldn't have acted the way I did, it might have mislead her... But fuck, I don't even know what I feel! A part of me wants this just to be a fling, because she might not be the right person. (But how can I know there even is a "right person"? It seems I've been postponing this so much it's become intangible.) But the rest of me is screaming: "This is your chance! You can finally leave this single life and move on to something better! Stop being so picky and just cease your opportunity!" There are so many voices in my head it's hard to set each one apart, let alone choose one to listen to. Damn. Sometimes I just wonder... will I ever be happy, in the way I expect to? Will I have to spend the rest of my life settling for only what's possible? If not, how can I achieve my personal goals, if all odds seem to be against me? (This sounds extremely childlike, but I just don't give a damn.) This time I think I'm actually gonna have to talk to someone. I just hope that the ones who can hear me will be willing to. I've listened to so much for the past years, it's about time a had something to say other than: "Well, I think that whatsoever is best for you." Ooooh, I'd like to have all of this cleared up by Monday, to make matters easier...
These hands are meant to hold... × Às vezes eu até sinto vontade de que me dêem um tapa bem forte, só para eu poder devolver o tapa na cara da pessoa.
Evanescence - Solitude How many times have you told me you love her? As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth How long have I stood here beside you? I lived through you, you looked through me Oh, solitude Still with me is only you Oh, solitude I can't stay away from you How many times have I done this to myself? How long will it take before I see? When will this hole in my heart be mended? Who now is left alone but me? Oh, solitude Forever me and forever you Oh, solitude Only you, Only true Everyone leaves me stranded Forgotten, abandoned left behind I can't stay here another night Your secret admirer, who could it be? Oh, can't you you see all along it was me? How can you be so blind as to see right through me? Oh, solitude Still with me is only you Oh, solitude I can't stay away from you Oh, solitude Forever me and forever you Oh, solitude Only you, only true
Merda.
Número um.
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